My friend told me that there are two types of people, the balcony people and the basement people. The balcony people are those who lift you up and the basement people are those who pull you down. I have been thinking a lot about that and need to challenge or expand on that metaphor. Yes, this is true, but to me there seems to be a truer truth bubbling up.
I think every person can rise up and encourage one another from the balcony and they can also pull a fellow down in their stumbling and pain, but I think every person is meant to have free reign of the house.
We are called to move up and down the staircases of life with fluidity, grace, and ease.
In our Narrative Focused Trauma Care training with The Allender center, we learned to “land the plane.”
We enter in to the particularity of our stories because it is in the particularity where trauma sticks, but it is also in the particularity that freedom is gained. This discipline of learning to stop flying above harm and minimizing it so that everyone sees a prettier and more pleasing picture was hard, but then it felt liberating. The truth really does set you free.
I would consider the work of landing the plane and entering the past trauma as going into the basement. It is not a dungeon but more of a rec room. When you invite others into the places where you have been alone in the dark and they bring eyes of compassion, kindness and care, it is like turning on the light and suddenly you realize the basement isn’t as scary as you made it out to be in your head. It is a good place for ping pong and pillow fights.
Balcony friends are fun! It is a joy to look down and see how wonderful and beautiful everything looks from a distance. Problems that overwhelm you can look so small when you are looking down from that balcony. It is refreshing to gain perspective and find space between yourself and the things that are weighing you down. Balconies are close to the chandeliers and beautiful fancy things in life. The balcony can also be an attic where you stuff everything away and run from the things that need your attention. It seems to me that there are two sides to everything if you flip them over. I am thankful for my balcony friends who help me learn to play and be free from the weightiness of the basement, but sometimes it feels inauthentic, like I am hovering above reality and my feet need to touch down.
This is the place, where I need living room friends. These are the friends who are willing to move and shift according to the needs that are arising. They are comfortable going with the flow and riding the waves. Sometimes we might need to drink Champagne on the balcony and laugh until our cheeks hurt as we forget about all the troubles and just enjoy our beautiful lives. We also can go downstairs together if we need that enclosed safety of the basement where we can sit in the depths of one another’s stories and know that we are not alone. As we sit in the living room together, we light a fire and acknowledge that we are welcome as we are.
Whether we have spent our life in the basement learning to walk in the dark or flying high on the balcony, we are all just human and in the living room we find common ground. There is no good or bad, right or wrong, but human beings who are longing to connect. We want to tell our truths and find eyes of compassion and kindness that can celebrate our balcony moments and bring comfort to our basement moments, knowing that every person has both sides. We are called to practice finding balance and learning to love all people.
About 10 years ago, I joined my first story group. It was disruptive and necessary. It was one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me and it has changed my ability to travel to different parts of my own house and story with courage, curiosity and love. We met in the living room of my friend Caren’s house, and we went into the basement as we shared our “valley” experiences. We traveled to the balcony as we shared our “peak” experiences. We learned to listen and love ourselves better as we allowed eyes of love to join us in places we may have been keeping hidden or dismissed. Learning to sit in the living room and tell the whole truth of your story with fellow travelers is healing and transformational.
We want to invite you to join one of our upcoming story groups beginning June 15 and 16. In this group we will meet in the living room and build trust so that we can travel to the basement together to allow light to expose the places where we are feeling hidden or stuck. In the end, we will celebrate how far we have come and toss streamers from the balcony. Stories are for sharing, lives are for living fully, and communities are for healing, growth, and freedom. Hope you will consider joining us! Sign up by going here: https://www.sowthat.com/story-groups